365 to Sunshine

Holy crap that was fast.

I’ve been trying to write this post for about the last month or so and kept coming up with nothing. The best way for me to fix that is to just start typing. That’s probably why my first two words were holy and crap. But yeah, holy crap.

My little girl is a year old.

Take me back 365 days and I promise you I would not have been able to see this day in front of me. 365 days ago, we were just concentrating on making it to day 2. Then 3. Simply trying to snowball it up. But I don’t want this post to be about the events that occurred 365 days ago. That’s been documented here. Just scroll down a few posts if you haven’t read the moments of a year ago. This particular post needs to be about everything that has brought us to where we are today. A little baby and her determination to grow up and for all to take notice at just how awesome life can be. Today we are celebrating our little daughters first birthday. A sunshine party.

It’s amazing what you learn in that first year as parents. You are automatically tuned into everything around your kid. The same dogs that you loved unconditionally before your kid shows up you now kick in the stomach when they go in for a face licking feast on your kid. (no we don’t “kick” our dogs).

You absolutely die inside when they get sick.

You can be having the absolute worst day, and still melt when you watch her reach for you.

It’s amazing how happy the can genuinely be, with that much poop in their diaper.

You want everything to start right now. The crawling, walking and talking. But you get sad when they rip the bottle from your hand to do it themselves.

You need a break, some parent time, but instantly miss her the second you drive away.

You are terrified to drive on a 15 hour trip with your 10 month old and marvel at the fact that she handled the journey better than her parents did.

The first time you take her out to eat to a restaurant, and a stranger stops to let you know just how well behaved your daughter is, mentioning that she would know because she’s a grandmother.

This list could get freakishly long and I’m a believer that blog posts are usually better short, what with the attention spans of this generation and what not. So let me end with one more. And it will stay with me forever.

I’ll never in my mind have enough days with her.

It’s pretty much the most sombering thought possible. To love someone so much and know you will leave them at some point against your will. And the lesson there I suppose is to make every day count. I’m just really sad about that next day.

Again, I still can’t believe 365 days have come and gone so slow at times and like lightening at times. To say I would have wanted this year any different is a tricky thing. Of course, any NICU parent would not want the issues that struggle can bring. And your heart truly breaks for those struggling parents and babies. I can’t put enough emphasis on that. Genuine heartbreak. But for the truly lucky, it’s amazing what some of us get to have on the other side of the isolette. A healthy, smiling, happy baby who now is just dying to tell us all about it at any moment.

Happy very first birthday my little love.

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