Name Game

Names are funny.

For the most part at least. There are way too many parents throughout the years of history that decided to either commit to a name while under some kind of influence or decide that is in fact okay to name their kid after uncle Dick or aunt Wanda.

No. It’s different now. You can’t get away with that. I do realize that we are now in the day and age of kids growing up as Apple’s and Pilot Inspektor’s. Don’t even get me started on North West. I do think there is middle ground here. There has to be something between Clifford and Moon Unit.

With me, my parents had me down as Brandon for months. As soon as I showed up, my dad said, “what about Jared?” (Yes that is how you’re supposed to spell it), but when they went to have it put on the certificate, I guess they decided to spell Jared with throwing darts at random letters on the wall.

Also, everyone has opinions on names. So I have a few rules for the coming months. Rules that everyone should adopt.

First rule: Don’t tell anyone anything pre-birth. Best friend, no. Excited mother, sorry. Lowe’s checkout girl, too bad. True story. I don’t need the look of disappointment from people when they aren’t excited about our choice.

Second rule: It’s our choice. Whatever we decide goes. If we want to name the kid Blazing Saddles, you will smile and enjoy the uniqueness of baby Blazing.

Third Rule: “I would never name my kid that.” Well, it’s not your kid. You’re aren’t allowed in the hospital. Go away.

Fourth Rule: We will have thought about this name. We will be confident in this name. It won’t be changed just because you tilt your head and go,”Oh.”. If it’s normal, it will be spelled normal. If its unique, it will be spelled as normal as possible. Don’t try to offer up a different spelling. No, we won’t be changing it to end in a “ie” when a “y” works. Or vice versa. No matter how much you play up the, “but it makes it unique!” card.

Fifth and final rule: If you really do object, just lie to our faces. It really does make it easier.




7 thoughts on “Name Game

  1. I’ve had baby names picked out for years. The good news was that my husband liked them, haha. We plan on naming our kids something a little unique without being off the wall. Good luck!

  2. #1…yes. You’re fab parents already. People will criticize the crap out of a name pre-birth. Post birth? Somehow it feels mean mocking a baby. Parents ftw.

    Can’t wait to hear all about little Starrocket Bonanza Crouch. (It works for a girl OR a boy. Genius.)

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