What If I Won All That Money?

540,000,000.00.  Man, that is a lot of money.  Is it possible to have too much money?  If there is then I think that number is it.  Too much money.  Now I never buy lottery tickets for a couple of reasons.  1. There’s always a chance that you end up on your local news buying a ticket and well have you seen the people that they film and interview?  They don’t need a lottery ticket, they need a bath.  2.  You are throwing your money away.  Way away.  Far far away.  No thanks.


If I did buy a ticket and it just so happened to be the winning 540 million dollar ticket, what would I do with the money?

1.  Wet myself.

2.  Hire someone to buy me new pants.

3.  Fire my pants person because I don’t want to be that type of millionaire.

4.  Be boring and pay off debt like the house and car. 

5.  Keep the house to store stuff that you always need but never had.  Like batteries.  A house full of batteries.

6.  Buy a new house that I can grow into.  I’m thinking I need a moat.

7.  Yeah, I’d buy a castle.

8.  Give the parents a ridiculous amount of money.  Because, well they deserve it.

9.  Pay debt of family members but the line will be drawn at immediate family.  After that, the line gets blurry.

10.  I’d buy the LA Lakers just to bankrupt and dissolve the LA Lakers.

11.  Make Thursdays “Ferrari Thursdays” and Tuesdays will be “Yeah, I Use My Jet to Go Get Something To Eat, What?”

12.  Feed a helluva lot of homeless people.  For a long time.

13.  Buy Girl something.  Probably a lot of things.  Or all things Coach probably.  Addictions are funny.

14.  Go overseas somewhere.  Buy stuff I can sell in a future garage sale.  You gotta spend money to make money. 

15.  Put a bunch of thousand dollar bundles in random mailboxes.

16.  Pay the amount necessary to make Steve Carell come back to The Office.

17.  Pay whoever I need to pay to get the Kardashians off the air and out of professional sports.

18.  Go to random restaurants at their busiest times and pay for everyone in there.  I will also be wearing a cape.

19.  Always keep 10 grand in my pocket because you never know when you need 10 grand.  Happens all the time and I’m sick of looking foolish.

20.  Invest.  If I have to.

Okay so maybe I am that type of millionaire.  Now I need to hire someone to press publish for me.


3 thoughts on “What If I Won All That Money?

  1. You Americans are funny. Our biggest lotto here is $50 mil and that’s the cutoff. After that, it’s divied up into $1 million increments. Spread the wealth, n’at.

    That said, I’d press publish, but it’ll cost you a good salary.

  2. The one thing I hate about money is the more I have the more I want, crave, need. Bleh. I just want to be able to buy toys but recently my wish list has increased a lot. Not a good sign.

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