2012 Recap. Yes I Know It’s March

I just realized that I never did a 2012 recap. I think you can’t call yourself a blogger if you don’t recap each year. I think it’s in the handbook somewhere. Good thing I’m barely a writer. I think I can get away with it on some sort of “who are you?” technicality.

Obscurity for the win.

In January I don’t think I did much of anything. Sat a job that I absolutely hated. Probably watched some TV.  This post is starting out amazing.

In February I was rushed to the emergency room for an erupted gall bladder. The doctor said he had never seen anything like it. He said it was like an overstuffed pouch of marbles. Or gallstones. Marbles sounds better. Or it kind of doesn’t. Fact is that I had to spend my first Valentine’s day with my future wife sitting back in a recliner while I try to impress her with my conversation skills since watching anything funny on TV made me laugh which made my stomach and stitches really mad at me.

In April I did some proposing. Long story short, she said yes and it all worked out.

In May we went to Portland to visit friends and I got to see my first MLS game but not before watching one of our friends obliterate his Achilles tendon from skipping across the street. Complete rupture. From skipping. I doubt he has ever told the truth about that to anyone.

In June we went to Dallas for her birthday and saw Chris Martin and the gang sing some songs. We also endured the night that I didn’t introduce her to one of my friends and the ensuing dinner was über awkward for everyone sitting at the table. We eventually got married so she got over it.

In July we went with some friends to Destin, Florida for my birthday week. Yes. I get a week and let me tell you, a week at the beach will cure anything you might be going through. Moonshine will make sure of that.

In August we went to New York with my family. The absolute best day was when we took our last full day and just went off by ourselves and walked 760 miles. I simply loved being with her.

In October we got married. I’ve previously posted about this so I will just say that everything was at the perfect time, in the perfect place. Just how we intended it to be.

In November we slept.  All month.  Seriously.

In December we had our first Christmas and thought it would be a good idea to start a tradition on Christmas Eve and bring out the mattress into the living room by the fire and watch Christmas movies and sleep until morning. Don’t do this with two labs. They won’t know what to think and will only want to sleep on top of you.

Bam. My whole year adequately explained. Don’t act like you’re not impressed.

A Favor

Sometimes you feel the need to ask someone else to write something. If nothing else but to become inspired yet again.

I messed up. A few months back, I was asked to participate in a blog relay. We were to write about the word hope in whatever way we wanted to. I did that. And as instructed, I also invited three other friends to do that. And they did. They did amazing jobs. Here is where I messed up.

I forgot one friend.

If I were to think of the word hope, it’s easy to think of this person and make a connection. I’ve read this person for a good while now and let me tell you, she is one of the best ones out there.

I know this is kind of after the fact and not in line with the whole relay, which again, my fault. I hope she will take this task and run with it. I can totally see this person helping a lot of her readers who may be struggling with something. Whatever it may be.

Alycia, I hope you will take this challenge at some point in the future and make it your own.

UPDATE:

Only she would respond in record time.

Hope

Hope 2012: A Blog Relay

Our trusted folks at Wikipedia defines hope  as the emotional state which promotes the belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one’s life.

In other words, hope is what you reach for when something bad happens to you.

Wikipedia also states that the opposite of hope is despair.

When the lovely Melanie Crutchfield asked me to be a part of this relay, of course I said yes. You don’t say no to MC without suffering the consequences. I thought I knew what I wanted to write about regarding the word hope.

Then I  saw hope. At a garage sale. That’s right, a garage sale.

It was this past weekend and it was a merging of households kind of thing for us. I mean what do we really do with 2 couches and 2 toasters? My sister had a bunch of stuff too so we had it at my grandmother’s house because it’s the house that has the most shade in the driveway to combat the 105 degree heat.

As I was sitting in a lawn chair close to the garage door that lead into the house, I noticed this kid in the driveway, probably 7 or 8 years old.  He was squatting down trying to get this toy wind-up monster truck to take off. The look on his face was that of a kid who just found the secret door to Willy Wonka. He was glowing with complete and unashamed smiles. He would do this over and over. Over and over in the 105 degree heat.

I noticed this kid because he looked different from anyone else there. He was completely bald. Eyebrows were gone. Thin legs and arms.

Cancer never looked more evil than it did last Saturday when it covered an 8-year-old.

As I watched him, all I could think about was the opposite of hope. Despair was the only thing my mind was concerned with. The typical “how could this happen” and “but he’s just a kid” thoughts were all I could think about. Then it hit me.

This kid was playing with a toy truck at a garage sale in 105 degree heat simply because he could.

This kid had to choose a path. Hope or despair. I have no idea what the disease is or the circumstances it has brought to him and his family. All I know is that a complete stranger with issues I haven’t ever had to deal with showed me in the simplest ways that you can always choose hope. Even with the most extreme of circumstances, you can always choose hope. A decision most of us have to make every single day. I think about this kid and how easy it would be to choose despair. To give up even at such a young age. But he showed me a better way.

He showed me by watching a toy truck take off.

 

********

 

I would love for the following friends to take some time and continue this relay of Melanie’s. Anything about hope. Then of course, post it and ask more of your friends, etc. Use the cool graphic up there too. Try and get it done sometime before 10th of August. After that,  Mel gets the hose.

JenO – My Tornado Alley

Abby – Abby Has Issues

Liz – I Am Pisspot

Present

The final post in this 3 post series. Present represents the things that are here right now that might be missing or just out of my grasp. The things that are important to me. Things that might be lost that I need to reclaim. Here are just a few that come to mind:

- Remembering how far you can come in just one years time. A new path being laid right in front of you before you have time to really blink.

- Holding on to friendships that have a hand trying to hold back. Letting go of those that already let go.

- Making memories with the moments that are leading up to the wedding and not just focusing on the actual ceremony.

- Write. When I want to and when I don’t. Write.

Living in the present can be a difficult thing. Shockingly, holding on to the past and fearing the future can be easier.

Learning to appreciate your present can help heal your past and enrich your future.

You just have to periodically shut the world out and reconnect with your purpose, which is pretty much the same for everyone:  Make the moment that’s in front of you better than the one before and if you can’t, keep trying until you do.

And repeat as needed.

 

 

Future

Part Two. And I can’t believe how short this one ended up being.

The obvious answer for this part would be the upcoming marriage. I’m going to choose the obvious answer for two reasons. 1. Well, it’s obvious and self-explanatory. 2. I’m in love with this obvious answer.

The future in the general sense holds everything you want for yourself. The future in a getting married sense seems to hold a bit more weight: It’s everything you want for the both of you. You sort of have to relinquish some of what you want to get what you both want. And I’m totally excited about that.

My future has changed into the talk of babies, houses and the need of emergency funds. I’m now in the emergency fund category. A few years ago my life did not require emergency funds.

The future is ever-changing. It evolves based a lot on your present and how you deal with things. The future is scary. And exciting. It holds the unknown and it holds the promise of life. No one knows how much of their future will turn into their present and eventually their past. I’m just hoping that I’m lucky enough to get that chance.

It’s kinda important to me.

 

Past

Don’t you love the posts you start without a topic in mind or any semblance of structure? Here I go, I’m typing out words. Look at me go! I wonder how this post might end up. You type and type just hoping to get to that place where the tracks merge into one lane.

Or they don’t.

I’m learning that it really doesn’t matter anymore. I have come across some amazing writers that are all about structure and are very much “a post a day is how I do it, blah blah blah”. I’ve also been fortunate enough to cross paths with those that write once or week or once every few weeks. Posts that are still every bit as insightful and entertaining.

The issue I have or been having is that in all this crazy talented writing I read from others, it can sort of hinder my own self writing worth. I tend to look at those daily writers and think to myself, “they got their ducks in a row. Clearly they are meant to do this.”  Then I look at the weekly writers and think to myself, “they always have an important message to get out. Every week. Nothing happens in my life like that. My brain doesn’t see things randomly like that.”

All very self-defeating behavior, I know.

Having blogged for over 4 years with 3 different personal blogs and not having anything to show for it as far as past posts simply because you didn’t like the writing or needed that dreaded “fresh start” can make you question your commitment. Walking away from two sites you helped create takes more out of you (artistically) than you might think. Once, your name was on a business card being passed out at blogging conventions. Next minute, you are starting a post with ”Don’t you love the posts you start without a topic in mind or any semblance of structure?”

I think it has taken a toll on finding any sense of rhythm you thought you may have had once. 100% of that falls on my shoulder and I totally accept it. I still stand by walking away and know it was right. That being said, it left me a bit dazed and confused. You have a small presence and then you don’t. What’s next? Well, I simply continued to walk around dazed and every bit confused.

A writer much better than me has challenged me to a 3 part journey. A Past/Future/Present series.  The past in regards to something that has to die. Something holding you back that you need to let go. The future is something that you love and need to remind yourself to be dedicated to. The present? The things that  you’re missing. Things that are slipping away that you need to reclaim and enjoy.

This is Part One.

This self-defeating mindset in this odd blog business I’ve walled myself around needs to die. And the only way to kill it is to do one thing…

Keep writing.

Perspective

…and then your day is made by an unexpected message from a new blog friend.

For those that write your posts just for the joy of writing and not for hits and recognition, it’s the little things that make your journey worth every post idea, every post attempt, every single backspace until you get the right word or phrase. 

Little things like finding out something you shared encouraged someone else.

In this blog world, that’s where I want to stay.

My Turn

There have been some pretty awesome posts out there lately dealing with this idea of being honest with yourself.  Bloggers that are seeing things for what they really are and acknowledging the truth.  It’s quite a concept for someone that has a history of keeping things all nice and padded. 

There is something on my mind that I have held in for a few weeks now.   I’m not sure if some of my friends who have written amazing and honest posts have finally given me the ability to write like this or if it has just come to a point where I can’t put another band-aid on it again.

Some who know me will remember me as a co-founder of a couple of sites.  One being a collaborative news site called Sprocket Ink.  The other one a blogging community for those over 30 called Studio30 Plus.  Both sites were a great source of pride for me.  To see both grow from nothing was an accomplishment.  With Sprocket, we saw astronomical numbers with hits for a brand new site in the first year.  With Studio30, the idea of starting out with 2 members to over 1,100 was simply amazing.

Then I hit that wall.  My blogging was suffering, my time wasn’t being spent enough on real life.  Something had to give and it had to be the two things that I worked hard in building from scratch.  Sprocket Ink and Studio30 Plus.

It was tough saying goodbye to Sprocket.  I remember this weird feeling the day I left.  I knew it was the right decision for myself in this time of my life, but it was still difficult to really walk away.  I continue to read Sprocket and I will always look back on it as a success.  A lot of good memories that first year with some pretty amazing writers.

Studio30 Plus has been a bit different.  This is how Jules and I first joined forces.  She tweeted that there should be site for people like us (old, I think) and I replied with something like, “Well what were you thinking?”  Snowball after snowball, it grew to over 1,100 members in two years.  Beyond both of our comprehension I think.

After leaving Sprocket, I wanted to hold onto Studio30 longer simply because it was the first project.  I didn’t want to leave, but I knew I had to.  After finally telling Jules that I needed to leave, she kept up with it for a while.  Then she brought on another blogger to run it.

And with keeping up with all this honesty, this is where I have the issue.

From the moment I found out that the site was put into new hands, I knew it would be a short matter of time before it wouldn’t be Studio30 Plus anymore.  I knew the changing of platforms would come.  I knew the focus of being this cool group of bloggers would turn into this massive social marketing extravaganza.  Bloggers couldn’t just be bloggers.  I knew it was going to be almost the complete opposite of what Jules and I envisioned it to be from the beginning.

There was however one thing that I didn’t know.

I didn’t know that the act of receiving a community site of over 1,100 members strong would give the new leader the green light to dismiss the founders completely.  I understand the changing of platforms, but what I don’t understand is how changing the URL ever so slightly means the site is now an original.  It doesn’t take away the fact that this was an already established community. 

As an original founder, I will agree that moving it to another spot and slightly changing the URL  was within the new community leader’s right… if the leader would also agree that the lack of acknowledgement for the people who built it is just really crappy.

And I totally understand that I walked away when I absolutely had to.  I totally own up to it and maybe I don’t deserve to still be acknowledge as a founder. I think I do but I’m okay with letting it go.  But I know Jules deserves it.  I know she took up the slack when I stepped down.

I’m sure this will fall on deaf ears due to the fact that I have been gone from blogging for a while and lost 90% of my readers. And I’m sure it does portray me as someone that’s just jealous.  That’s not the case at all, but I get it.  This post is an attempt of taking something I found a disservice with and try to put it out in the open. 

I’m slowly becoming a believer that band-aids and layering to not offend are so overrated.