Setting The Stage

I had decided that after we got back from visiting her best friend in Texas, I would bring her friend in on my plan.  I didn’t want Ashley to know about it before us visiting and risk any odd behavior.  We went down to Texas for the weekend and on the patio of a wine bar, I found myself alone with her best friend.  Courtney and her Ashley’s husband went in to pay for their drinks.  I knew I was risking it but I had to tell her.

After sharing my news in a rather short and precise window of opportunity, I explained that it was happening soon, the ring has been bought and I had a plan that involved them helping with the proposal festivities.  That’s a lot for a best friend to hear in a couple of minutes and then act like nothing was happening once her husband and Courtney returned to the table.  She did fantastic.  She never revealed that she knew anything and we left McKinney with a lot of details to discuss.

The proposal was being planned around a weekend that Ashley and John were coming to town.  They had a concert, her dad’s birthday and Easter to attend and before Ashley knew about my plan, there was mention that the four of us would also find time to have dinner or something.  I needed to make that disappear.  I had to have Ashley let Courtney know that they were pressed for time and couldn’t come up when they thought, that maybe they could meet up with us for a drink at some point during the weekend.  There is a bigger plan here.

I’ll tell you one thing, even when you know of a bigger plan and that it will all be okay in the end, I just don’t like having to lie to her.  Call me old-fashioned.

With family and friends being so important to her, I wanted to make sure they were included.  The week or so before, I contacted some of her closest friends with an idea.  I let them know that Ashley and John were coming into town and I wanted to get everyone together for a dinner and surprise Courtney with that.  Funny thing is that everyone bought it excluding Ashley of course.  Everyone really thought I just wanted to throw a surprise dinner.

Chumps. 

Saturday we were having Easter lunch with my family.  Sunday was Easter lunch with her family. Three days.  Friends, my family and her family in a nice weekend package.

The stage has been set.  Now I just have to propose.

Yeah, just propose.

The Ring

Trying to casually ask about ring sizes and ring style preferences is not my bag.  I’m more of the “tell me what you want and I’ll go buy it” type.  I knew that wouldn’t fly in this situation and I was okay with that.  I knew that what I was about to hopefully do in a few weeks was going to surprise her to no end.  I had to do this right.

We did have random discussion about rings every now and then.  Basically just a few ideas as to what might work but nothing that formulated into an actual ring.  I took a couple of different days to go out to the stores and search for this ring I had in my head.  All I really took from most of the stores is that they really want to sell you a ring.  Any ring.  They want you to walk about with their bag in your hand.  I don’t really work that way.  I don’t like pushy sales people and once you start in with the pitch, I’ve already tuned you out.  Try again never.

At the 5th store, I wasn’t finding anything.  Frustration was an understatement because I knew what I wanted in my head.  That ring wasn’t in any of the cases.  The owner of the small store came over and asked me about some of the characteristics I was looking for in the ring.  Very nice guy.  Not pushy or salesy.  I told him some things and he went and got a book.  Flipped a couple of pages and said, “You mean this one?”

“I can order the setting and it would probably take no more than a week to get here.  I’ll get the diamond you want in there and you’ll be all set.  I think my words to him were “Uh huh, Uh huh, yeah….uh huh”.  It was it.  The one.  It didn’t matter how long it was going to take or if the setting only used blood diamonds.

Luckily, it didn’t require blood diamonds.  But as we were filling out all the information, he asked me what the ring size was.  That’s like asking a guy what his girl’s ring size is.  I needed a plan.  Simple: I asked if she wanted to go to the mall.  I took one of her rings I knew she wears a lot.  We are in the mall and she goes into Coach while I go to the restroom via Helzberg.  They sized the ring and I’m back at Coach with an empty bladder.  Bam.

I had the ring for almost 3 1/2 weeks before presenting it to her.  You could have asked me to hold a ball of fire in my pocket and I bet it would have had the same effect on me.

The First Time With The Three Words

So long story short, I knew this was it.

I knew that I had found her.  The exact moment that I knew was the first time I said that I loved her.  I am not one to use those three words carelessly.  Main reason being that if you don’t really mean them, you can’t get them back.  They are out there, floating and causing pain and confusion.  No thank you.  Any time I have used them in the past, I meant them.  This time it was different.  This time, I knew those three words finally would last a lifetime.

It was Christmas time and we had both decided that we would only spend 20 bucks on each other.  A couple of reasons why:  We wanted to save money for other stuff to do together.  We thought it would be fun to see what we can come up with for just 20 bucks.  You can’t really buy anything special for 20 bucks that isn’t a gag gift or completely lame.  Which in hindsight would have gone over with flying colors.  I however had a different idea.

Cue the shmoozy move.

I decide to paint her something.

Remember the first date story?  A night filled with fatty foods and the smell of manure?  I noticed one of the things that she really liked and thought was cute were the mini pig races.  Those pot-bellied pigs stole the night.  She wanted one.  Like right then.   She had to wait a couple of months but on Christmas day, she got her pig.  Kind of.

 

 

This went over quite well.  Something about the thought and the remembering and shmoozy shmoozy rainbow sprinkles.  I’m not good at all this part.  She liked it okay?  A lot.

It was now my turn to see what she did with 20 bucks for me.  When I saw the size of the present, I knew what it was.  I also knew it wasn’t under 20 bucks.  She assured me that it wasn’t as much as it seemed so I just took her word for it and started taking off the paper.

 

 

I’m not sure why because in all actuality, I had only had Lyla for just over 4 months…but this was emotional for me.  When I saw it, it made me realize just how much I loved that dog and floored me that she knew it.  I was really amazed at how she got Lyla to stop licking and pose like that.

And in that moment, with our pig and pup, I knew I loved her.  And I told her with all the honesty I had in my heart because I knew this was the last time to tell a girl that I loved her like that. 

I’ll never forget it. 

 

The First Holiday

The first major family holiday for us as a couple would be Thanksgiving.  For the most part we had previously met the majority of each family, but this was an official holiday complete with grandmothers and turkey and dressing.  It’s my favorite holiday so of course this was a big deal.  I’m not sure I can overcome dating a girl who is the cause for a bad thanksgiving meal.  We have yeast rolls.  Those in itself are like dessert.  Now I think you can see the importance.

I had met her mom, brother, sister-in-law and two nephews before at the zoo.  Well, we didn’t go see them in the zoo…we met them there…to see the zoo. 

This has derailed quickly.  Pull the brakes…

So I met her family at the zoo.  At Thanksgiving, I got to meet the grandmother.  I was sitting in the living room on the couch when the grandmother arrived.  After girl…you know what?  Her name is Courtney.  I always hate when I read blogs and people are given generic names to protect their anonymity.  It’s a blog.  Unless you are wanted by the US Government, share real names.  It provides a more authentic read for everyone.  I guess fake names are okay, just don’t mention that they are fake.  It’s not that serious.  So…Courtney introduces me to her grandmother.  After shaking her hand she starts to tear up.  She mentions that she has been praying for this for a long time.  

Courtney and I had been dating for two months.

After a brief introduction, Courtney with her mom and grandmother are off to the kitchen to finish making the dinner while we wait for her brother’s family to arrive.  I did what I do best and returned to the couch.  All of the sudden Courtney realizes that there’s only two bodies in the kitchen.  She peaks around the corner to discover her grandmother has made herself comfortable on the couch, right next to me.  To say that Courtney was nervous was a pretty big understatement. 

Long story short, the conversation was pretty much a reminder of what she had shared with me when we met a few minutes earlier.  She was excited to meet me and that she had been praying for this.  Then she went more into detail about it.  She had been praying that Courtney would find the one and she believed I was that one.

Two months.

Next thing I know, Courtney’s mom is calling her mom into the kitchen for some “help”.  Courtney comes over to find out what she had shared.  And I shared it all.  Courtney’s face was just the perfect shade of white if that’s possible.  Then came the apologies for what had just happened.  It was fine.  For some reason, I was smiling.  I was fine.

For some reason, grandmother knew a lot more than the two of us did only two months in.

The Last First Date

Realizing that you found someone so special and so soon can send your mind for a tailspin.  For someone like me, that doesn’t happen.  For a guy like me, it doesn’t happen that fast.  It’s almost impossible because I am a reigning “in your head” champion.  Anything and everything that goes on in my life I am constantly doing pro and con lists in my head, worst case scenario’s, what if’s, etc.   It’s to a point where I can get in my head about what to have for dinner.

Then I met her.

We decided that a good first date would be going to the State Fair.  If you ever have the chance to go to your State Fair for a first date, do it.  First, you are constantly moving.  You always have something to look at to keep the conversation going. Secondly, oh the stuff to look at.  The people.  I can’t stress the people watching factor for a first date.  So much material to make yourself that much more desirable.  “Well, at least I don’t look like THAT guy, right?” Lastly, you’re not at dinner or at the movie not getting to know your date. Okay, sidenote:  Too many first dates die in the middle of some rom-com simply because the guy thought it would be smart to invite Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams to the mix yet dumb enough to totally spend the first few hours with your date not talking.  State Fair.  Turkey legs and mullets.  It works.

We walked around questioning our general likes and dislikes.  Watched miniature pot-bellied pigs race.  Looked around inside some sweet mobile homes.  I’ve always wanted to act like I had found my dream home and act a fool inside one of them; making the seller all excited and whatnot.  I didn’t think that was first date etiquette, so we just looked at all the laminated walls.  Classy.

We of course looked at all the hot tubs and walked by the one exhibit of the lady that supposed to be like 2 foot tall.  I saw it once before.  It’s creepy.  Trying to get your first date to go look at a 2 foot tall woman is hysterical.

Fun fact: corn dogs are just magically different at the fair. It’s probably the community mustard container. THAT mustard is the best mustard.

Mullet after mullet, braless boob after braless boob, the fair folk provided much appreciated laughter and eased the anxiety and anticipation of our first date.

It wasn’t until the drive home that I realized how I didn’t check in with my head the whole night.  I was just me.

And this is just the beginning.

My Turn

There have been some pretty awesome posts out there lately dealing with this idea of being honest with yourself.  Bloggers that are seeing things for what they really are and acknowledging the truth.  It’s quite a concept for someone that has a history of keeping things all nice and padded. 

There is something on my mind that I have held in for a few weeks now.   I’m not sure if some of my friends who have written amazing and honest posts have finally given me the ability to write like this or if it has just come to a point where I can’t put another band-aid on it again.

Some who know me will remember me as a co-founder of a couple of sites.  One being a collaborative news site called Sprocket Ink.  The other one a blogging community for those over 30 called Studio30 Plus.  Both sites were a great source of pride for me.  To see both grow from nothing was an accomplishment.  With Sprocket, we saw astronomical numbers with hits for a brand new site in the first year.  With Studio30, the idea of starting out with 2 members to over 1,100 was simply amazing.

Then I hit that wall.  My blogging was suffering, my time wasn’t being spent enough on real life.  Something had to give and it had to be the two things that I worked hard in building from scratch.  Sprocket Ink and Studio30 Plus.

It was tough saying goodbye to Sprocket.  I remember this weird feeling the day I left.  I knew it was the right decision for myself in this time of my life, but it was still difficult to really walk away.  I continue to read Sprocket and I will always look back on it as a success.  A lot of good memories that first year with some pretty amazing writers.

Studio30 Plus has been a bit different.  This is how Jules and I first joined forces.  She tweeted that there should be site for people like us (old, I think) and I replied with something like, “Well what were you thinking?”  Snowball after snowball, it grew to over 1,100 members in two years.  Beyond both of our comprehension I think.

After leaving Sprocket, I wanted to hold onto Studio30 longer simply because it was the first project.  I didn’t want to leave, but I knew I had to.  After finally telling Jules that I needed to leave, she kept up with it for a while.  Then she brought on another blogger to run it.

And with keeping up with all this honesty, this is where I have the issue.

From the moment I found out that the site was put into new hands, I knew it would be a short matter of time before it wouldn’t be Studio30 Plus anymore.  I knew the changing of platforms would come.  I knew the focus of being this cool group of bloggers would turn into this massive social marketing extravaganza.  Bloggers couldn’t just be bloggers.  I knew it was going to be almost the complete opposite of what Jules and I envisioned it to be from the beginning.

There was however one thing that I didn’t know.

I didn’t know that the act of receiving a community site of over 1,100 members strong would give the new leader the green light to dismiss the founders completely.  I understand the changing of platforms, but what I don’t understand is how changing the URL ever so slightly means the site is now an original.  It doesn’t take away the fact that this was an already established community. 

As an original founder, I will agree that moving it to another spot and slightly changing the URL  was within the new community leader’s right… if the leader would also agree that the lack of acknowledgement for the people who built it is just really crappy.

And I totally understand that I walked away when I absolutely had to.  I totally own up to it and maybe I don’t deserve to still be acknowledge as a founder. I think I do but I’m okay with letting it go.  But I know Jules deserves it.  I know she took up the slack when I stepped down.

I’m sure this will fall on deaf ears due to the fact that I have been gone from blogging for a while and lost 90% of my readers. And I’m sure it does portray me as someone that’s just jealous.  That’s not the case at all, but I get it.  This post is an attempt of taking something I found a disservice with and try to put it out in the open. 

I’m slowly becoming a believer that band-aids and layering to not offend are so overrated.

 

If My Identity Is Stolen, There’s A Dog To Blame

Have you ever had your wallet stolen?  Have you ever had your wallet stolen at PetSmart?

The crime doesn’t begin until the afternoon but that morning the dogs were brought to PetSmart to be groomed and cleaned.  8:30 am on a Saturday.  It’s a crazy time to be up on a Saturday and even worse being up on a Saturday is trying to get two dogs to an appointment they have no intention of wanting to keep.  That being said, it was pretty painless.  They did really well and after they were carried off behind the big swinging door, we left thankful for a few hours of peace and quiet.

Here is where the fun starts.  We picked them up and as they are running toward the counter to jump or maul us, the 7-year-old lab seems to tweak one of her front paws.  After settling them down, she would not put any weight on that paw whatsoever.  This made Girl worried.  Luckily there is the vet inside PetSmart.  They take her in to find out what might be causing the paw issue.   I’m waiting outside with my lab puppy and all she wants to do is find out where the other one went off to and how she can get to her.  They have become inseparable in the last 6 months. 

After 15 minutes or so, Girl peeks her head out and tells me to go ahead and pay and get my dog in the car since she was getting restless and whiny. 

I grab my keys and my wallet.

I’m at the register paying for the baths and I’m holding onto a leash.  I’m swiping my debit card and putting it back in the wallet and set the wallet on the counter.  I’m making sure she isn’t tangled with the leash and I’m handed the receipt.  I’m walking outside and I squeeze my hand and all I felt was receipt paper.  No wallet.  I put the dog in the car and walk back into PetSmart expecting to see it either on the ground, on the counter or tucked away by the cashier.

Nope.  No.  Not a chance.

me – Did you see my wallet I just left here?

cashier – (Glances around)  Nope, don’t see it.

I was gone for maybe 2 minutes and that’s being pretty liberal with the timeframe.

There was  only a mother and two young children behind me and I could see one of the kids picking it up.  I can see the cashier picking it up, she had shady eyes.

You would think that I would have had pockets of some sort but that really is beside the point.  You would also think that a guy my age would know not to carry his social security card in his wallet.  All I’m saying is that my identity has been compromised due to a paw. 

And probably not having pockets.